I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nutella sex= disaster
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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