Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
