i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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