just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
