Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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