I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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