i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
