Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
