It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
