i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
