Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
