Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
