omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
