Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
