You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
