ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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