Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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