so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
