Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
