RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
