I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
