The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
