It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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