I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
