He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
