My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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