How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
