I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
