Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
