Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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