i permit you to call me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
