The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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