I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
