If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
