my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
