It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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