It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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