if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You need Xanax blowdarts
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
