Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
