your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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