I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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