My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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