You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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