I got chris browned last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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