You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
