I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
