she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
