i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
