i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
