is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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