so explain again why im purple
no
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
