Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
